The Remasculation of Duncan Blitz

Duncan Blitz was having a bad day. His hernia hurt, his head ached, he left his penis on the tub.

Should he work on his film? Or replace the baseboard moldings with his brother-in-law who rented a circular saw from Home Depot.

Duncan walked past the grave of his old dog Wylie. Pushing up paintbrush, indian.

PENIS

It was there on the tub. David's penis. On the side of the tub. I wrapped it in a hand towel and looked for its owner. I gave the penis to my brother Tobe, but not Tobe, who was hiding his problem under a cupped hand. What made it fall off? "Don't you want to sew it on?" I asked. You have to get it sewn I told Hal, but not Hal. He was like Hal, because we were close but not married. He was probably hoping it would reinstall itself.

When I woke, David's was on and fine.

IF HILLARY CLINTON KNOWS HOW TO SHOOT,

why didn't she kill Bill?

FIVE REASONS WE'LL BOTH GO CRAZY IF MY HUSBAND DOESN'T FIND A FULL-TIME JOB:

10. music on, loud, whether he's in the room or not

9. torrent of great ideas, explained in paragraphs, with pauses between distractions

8. my husband drives while thinking grand thoughts. the passenger brake on my side doesn't work, no matter how I slam my foot on it.

7. he hates when i scream, after the brakes lock. "what happened?" i asked, after we put down 15 feet of rubber on Route 1 in Miami. "The dingus on the car went on," he told me.

6. the pay is no good

FIVE REASONS TO LOVE UNEMPLOYMENT:

5. we can see our friends

4. evenings together

3. brunch

2. all this sex is clearing up my complexion

1. reading