FIVE REASONS WE'LL BOTH GO CRAZY IF MY HUSBAND DOESN'T FIND A FULL-TIME JOB:

10. music on, loud, whether he's in the room or not

9. torrent of great ideas, explained in paragraphs, with pauses between distractions

8. my husband drives while thinking grand thoughts. the passenger brake on my side doesn't work, no matter how I slam my foot on it.

7. he hates when i scream, after the brakes lock. "what happened?" i asked, after we put down 15 feet of rubber on Route 1 in Miami. "The dingus on the car went on," he told me.

6. the pay is no good

FIVE REASONS TO LOVE UNEMPLOYMENT:

5. we can see our friends

4. evenings together

3. brunch

2. all this sex is clearing up my complexion

1. reading